Monday, February 06, 2006

To all my goyims (part 2)

Ah...my goyims, is it not beautiful?

Look, look out the windows now (if you happen to live near a Danish embassy in a Muslim fundamentalist country like Syria or the likes, that is.)

Open your eyes. Do you not see all these angry Muslim mobs, burning buildings, issuing death threats, all because we released the caricatures of Prophet Muhammad with a bomb on his turban to imply that Islam is a violent religion?

Ah, yes, it is us, the Jews, who have masterminded this. Do you not know that we are the string pullers behind all the important newspapers in the world, which is an important part of our propaganda machine?

Not only that, we also own HBO, Star World and MTV, where we teach people that it's cool to be friends with homosexuals. Our leader has taken a liking to rap recently, which is why you see so much of them nowadays. I can't really stomach them, but our leader apparently is getting in touch with his ghetto side. So much so, he has released a rap album, using his "hood name," Big Daddy Jew. His first single, "I stabbed the messiah (but I didn't see him resurrected)" should be a big hit, considering that it is produced by the Neptunes and features Semitic Doggy Dogg, an up and coming rapper from back East.

It's a hot track, homies yo. Remember, buy the original.

By the way, where was I? Oh yeah! We have power! Power! We just have to make a cartoon depicting Muslims as anything we want, and they'll prove us wrong by being exactly what we depict them as!

I nearly inserted a picture of Muhammad in a Jordan jersey, but can you imagine if that happened? Muslims will start practicing basketball, and soon enough, there'll be Muslim's in the NBA, dunking over Yao Ming and Shaq! Just because they want to prove us wrong! (Or right. I don't know. These Muslims confuse me.)

And I can't accept that, nonono. A Muslim MVP? Ptui! Not in my Jewish controlled league which is meant as a distraction for the world so that we can use the time they wasted to get a headstart in planning how to take over the world via subliminal propaganda!

Ah, that is all for now, goyims. Leader, I mean, Big Daddy Jew is calling. He wants me to go "pimp" his car. Ah, the tyranny of being an assistant.

Until then, shalom.

Yours truly,
Rabbi Carcinogen

Friday, February 03, 2006

The stupidest thing I have heard this year

While helping a friend who drank too much and is green all over her face, I helped her to a ditch and told her to throw up. Somehow, it couldn't come out, so I gave her some suggestions.

CC: You know, try sticking your finger down your throat. It'll help you throw up.
Friend: I was bulimic! I know what to do! Shut up!
CC:...
Friend: Urgh...bwargh...greeeaauuh...(supper and last night's food comes flying down the drain)