Monday, July 04, 2005

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I read that Prince Harry had to go through a DNA test to ensure that he really is Prince Charles's kid. Well, duh. Have you seen Prince Charles? No way in hell you'd connect him as his daddy. Look, if I was the queen, if I'd look at Charles, then at Harry, I too would go, "Man, that ain't right."

Now let's see what's in the news today, The Star placed a huge ass picture of the national cheerleading championship on the front page. For what? Look, who gives shit about cheerleaders? All they do is shout and bitch and jump around. "Look at us! We're jumping in tights, making pyramids and spelling words! Hooray!"

Then there's the picture of the All-Boys group who won third. On it were the boys, in tights, with placards saying "FIGHT". Fight? For what? Gay rights? I thought the government would've stopped the boys competition already by now.

Heard the Sky Kingdom cult got raided. Supposedly, unlike our government's beautification unit, they don't have the proper permit to spend millions of ringgit to build useless 10-foot high monuments.

Anyway, Negri Sembilan is now promoted to the Super League. Wow, that's awesome. They got promoted from worse to bad. That's an improvement. Woo hoo! Pop the champagne's, people!

Hell, you gotta pity the guy who got beaten up by 4 Kuwaitis because the kid mistakenly identified him as his sodomiser. But hey, that kid's new here, ok? It's not his fault all of the Chinese people look the same to him. And I think the rapist was stupid in sodomizing a boy. I mean, that kid's Kuwaiti. You know you don't rape a Kuwaiti boy. Take a girl, because then they'll kill her instead.

Why do they have "For Men" signs on products? Shouldn't we automatically know what smell is good for a guy? When was the last time you've seen a guy going to the soap rack, smelling a soap, then go, "Ok, that one's for me. The jasmine and ylang ylang totally captures my essence."

***

Shit. I'd like to go for a swim, but I can't. The water in the apartment's swiming pool is emerald green. Maybe they should rename it the communal bathtub, that'll be more apt.

And it's really freaky seeing these dudes wearing Speedo's the size of a large thong sashaying around the poolside, with the expression on their face as if somebody just stole their new tri-pack of Speedo's. Even weird is seeing these guys who do nothing but get into the pool...and then talk. Right there. In the middle. In fact, from their tone, I think they were having some serious conversation.

Now wouldn't it be great if world leaders did that too? "Damnit, Kofi, get in your Speedos. North Korea's gonna launch a nuclear strike."

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