Friday, June 24, 2005

Q & A on the most important man in my life

I was too lazy to write a proper post about the most important man in my life who's been with me through thick and thin, through the ups and downs of life, and who thought me by example. So I'll just make this Q and A session then.

Q: So who is this guy you're talking about?
A: Thierry Henry

Q: Really?
A: Well, before that it was Tony Adams

Q: So the important man in your life is an Arsenal player, huh?
A: No, just kidding. It's my dad, you twit.

Q: So what kind of a guy is he?
A: Well, he's one stubborn prick.

Q: How stubborn?
A: While we were out for a drive once, he took a wrong turn and ended at a cliff. He drove of it. Broke my collarbone and three ribs, but all that is water under the bridge now.

Q: So you mean he would rather live with his mistake than change his mind and admit he was wrong?
A: Yes, which would explain why he stayed married with my mum.

Q: That's mean.
A: Hey, you're the one asking.

Q: Any other qualities?
A: Yea, he's damn tough.

Q: Just how tough is tough?
A: He didn't even shed a tear when MU lost to Arsenal in the FA Cup

Q: Whoa. No shit.
A: Yes. What's more, he once had a high fever, and was in bed under 2 blankets and 2 layers of clothes. But then he just swallowed his medicine, acted like all humans have a core body temperature of 39.6 degrees, then did his work.

Q: Say, if I chopped his leg off....
A: He'll just say it was a minor abrasion, then staple his leg back on. After that, he'll sign up for a 40K marathon.

Q: Can he really run?
A: Well, he once won eight place in a veterans marathon, so I guess yeah, that dude can run.

Q: Eight? Just eight?
A: Well, the competition was in Ranau, Sabah. And if you've travelled a lot or know people who do, you'll know that it's not uncommon to see wiry grannies climbing up Mt. Kinabalu with a full tong gas on their back, telling other pussy mountain climbers who are huffing and puffing, carrying only a 10kg backpack to move away because they're blocking her way.

Q: Who told you that?
A: My friend. Apparently, after seeing the granny run by him, his ball shrunk like hell and now it couldn't be detected with the naked eye.

Q: How small?
A: Physicists have brought him to science conventions to help demonstrate the size of string particles.

Q: So your dad can really run.
A: Nah, I think he walked.

Q: Walk?
A: Yes.

Q: Wait, I don't get it.
A: You see, my dad walks really fast.

Q: He can't walk that fast.
A: Yes, he can. Now ask me how fast.

Q: Fine, I'll humour you. How fast?
A: Yesterday, while walking to the car, he converted into energy.

Q: Why do you keep on making physics jokes?
A: Because that's the only class I ever go in besides English. Next.

Q: So do you talk with your dad?
A: Well, we have certain unspoken rules when we talk.

Q: Like?
A: When we're talking, the ratio of letters to period you can use per turn should be less than 10 to 1. The optimum words to use are the ones that have a ratio that is less than 5 to 1, like uh-huh, and mmm.

Q: So he doesn't talk a lot?
A: Well, if you didn't happen to be his offspring or is married to him, he's known to be very charming, generous, witty and humorous.. No matter who you are, he somehow makes it seem as if you've known him for a lifetime.

Q: You've seen it yourself?
A: Yes. Mothers talk to him like he's saved their kids from a burning building. Villagers crowd and talk to him as if he's help reroute the river to their drying up rice fields. Doctors act as if he found the cure for cancer. Villagers...

Q: I get the idea. So it sucks to be his kid?
A: What three letter word starts with the letter "d" and ends with an "uh"?

Q: ...

Ok, that's it for today. I need to sleep. Love ya dad. Happy Belated Father's Day.


Blogger cheeky said...

u sure are witty and funny. Haha, a unique way to profess your love for your dad.

6:50 PM  
Blogger Captain Carcinogen said...

cheeky: haha, thx. well, i actually just wanted to buy him a card, but i was broke. hahahaha

11:29 PM  
Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose. A
time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

'Thought & Humor' by Howdy
Cyber-Humor, Cyber-Thought
Cyber-Riddles for your divertissement!!!

9:49 AM  

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