Thursday, April 21, 2005

Die Malaysian drivers die

Malaysian drivers should be rounded up, buried up to their neck in sand near the shoreline, then left dead, to be drowned when the high tide comes in.

One of the signs that show you require a generally low IQ to get a license in Malaysia is the Fall In Love With Me Honk. They’ll see an attractive looking female walking down the street, then they’ll honk at them to get their attention. Man, aren’t they the Romeo’s, because don’t we all know there’s nothing that makes a woman’s heart race faster than a guy in a car honking at you. Who needs cheesy pick-up lines when you can sit in a car and just honk at them?

DUDE, wake up! What did they seriously believe would happen???

“Oh, wow, mister, what an unusually romantic honk. I can detect your testosterones all the way from here! Now come on here, hunkie, let me get naked and spread my legs while sitting on this fire hydrant, and you can make me honk!”

A newsletter should be sent out to them, explaining this is not what a woman means when they say they want a guy who knows how to press their buttons, because whatever that button is, I’m pretty sure it’s not attached to your car horn.

I also have this suspicion that in every Malaysian car, you are required to install a hyperdrive button, which is activated when they see a pedestrian attempting to cross the road. If you usually go around without a car, you know what I mean. When a driver notices that you are attempting to cross the road, they’ll immediately start to speed up, either hoping that you are an Olympic sprinter who can outrun their car or they think that if they reduce pedestrians, the road would be a better place.

And don’t get me started on those crazy pricks on motorcycles. They think having 2 wheels is a license for them to drive on the pedestrian’s walkaway whenever they like, terrorizing kind old women and innocent (and cute) pedestrians like me. But it’s okay, because I have learnt to accept them. I made the “Open Arms Policy”, where when I see a motorist coming my way, I’d outstretch my arms at their neck level, and wait, with open arms…


Blogger xaverri said...

ahhha I agree, esp about the part when pedestrians attempt to cross the road and those drivers purposely pick up speed.

But motorcyclists are even worse le, when I'm driving THEY are the ones who turn around to apologize after almost crashing into MY car at breakneck speed on the highways.

12:14 PM  
Blogger mamat said...

The solution to these road issues is the enforcement of rules and regulations.

For as long as we were to be ruled by the useless politicians and businessmen of the current regime, the problem will remain.

Vote for stronger opposition in the future, better still, new ruling government!

I've written something about this if you care to spend some time,


1:54 PM  
Blogger Captain Carcinogen said...

well, there's only one way to make the road of malaysia safe again: ensure the only cars allowed to be driven by a malaysian is the kind that has a plug attached to a wall and requires 50 cents coins to move. u know, the kind that makes a lot of noise and shakes up and down.

maybe bumper cars can work too. that way if we get hit, we can hit them back for kicks.

12:26 AM  

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