Thursday, February 10, 2005

Modern prayer for a smoking addict with lung cancer

Dear Lord Of Darkness/Satan/Lucifer/Iblis,

I have been a very good boy this year. A very, very good boy this year. Not only do I open the door for girls I go out with, I also graciously accept their offer to split the bill, because I know giving is as important as receiving. Plus, I would also not pretend to be someone I'm not, which is getting a woman's attention through buying things for her. I am charming enough for her to like me the way I am.

I know that if I were to die today, I would go to heaven for my good deeds, the kind, pious, mother-loving human I am. So could you please come down (or up, depending where hell really is) to stick your hands through my lungs and remove all the tar and the cancer I have in there? I need to live long enough to prove I deserve to be in hell.

I promise that if you fulfill this prayer of mine, I would go out and find a virgin to sacrifice to you on the next full moon. I am sure that would please you very much, because you know how hard it is to find a virgin in Klang Valley. Maybe you should've thought twice before whispering them to get into a state of sin and corpulate with the closest person of the opposite sex, or the same sex, depending on their orientation.

In addition, I would get pentagram shaped sport rims for my car in honour of you.

A god-loving person bathed in a halo of light,


(This prayer will work. I know. I watched Constantine. Was that last part cool or what?)


Blogger cyber-red said...

I knew it was related to Constantine somehow or rather =P

10:02 PM  
Blogger guy said...

haha.ur hilarious.congrats.u have a follower now. all praise C.C Plz point us to your coin box so we can makea measley contribution.
keep up the good work! :)

8:05 AM  
Blogger Serge Norguard said...

hahaha. good one. i too want iblis to come down from hell or was it up ?

9:20 PM  
Blogger BawangMerah said...

LOL, nice prayers ;) Haven't watched constantine yet though.

2:15 PM  

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